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it is fun to make fun of everybody how you doing hector? (spanish) ladies nothing wrong with your white husband.but banging a black guy just once it's worth the screwed up credit. i have a big big fan base of crippled peoplebecause i had sex with a man in a wheelchair i equal freaking opportunity this guy in the retarded italian gunny shirti mean look at this thing. that shirt is so gay he looks the fairy god father.

don't try this at home i'm a professionalpeople ladies and gentlemen welcome comedies lovablequeen of (?) miss lisa lampanelli yay clap for the finest voice in the countrywhat the fuck was that oh my gosh clap for him. come on. he takesit in the ass folks he deserves applause oh my god look at this hector then a blackguy then the bald headed bastard oh my god looking at his head reminds me to go homeand clean my dildo that's not true mines black any ways oh that's right bitches you know me i blacka lot of black guys that's my things.

that's right son. yeah son. it ain't by choice i just haven't lost enoughweight to get a white guy to fuck me that's the problem you white devils with your skinny bitchesi gotta put up with that because black guys enjoy the badonkadonksa donks isn't that right even though you kinda a white black guy. you know a bill cosby black? you a black guywith white features like a job and a cell phone? you never see that. that must be some prepaid shit mother fucker.

pre paid pre paid. well black guys are cool they do like a bigass. my black boyfriend says the bigger the cushionthe sweeter the pushing. bull, he just wants something to hide behindwhen the cops start shooting because once you go black the cops will attack. how you doing hector . love that little spick.i've always wanted to bang one of you little bastards. but my parents were old fashioned racist italians.you know the old saying. once you go hispanic. whoo mom and dad start to panic.

well because you steal any ways see you guys are a good crowd. this is a teno'clock crowd. f those 8 o'clock people. this is cool even you with your queer lookinghead. and you a nice older bitch like this enjoys me. see i . you know know i mean that in a good way. womenlike her usually hate me because i'm dirty i'm loud i'm rude. there's always those soccer mom types whoto see hoping ill be a female comic. you know what i mean. who talks about pms and dating. shut up youdirty twat licker.

so women sometimes come out. you know thattype of bitch soccer mom between the ages of 35 and cunt ah. and they have to stare at me and be all mean.like oh my god. she is the reason we have school shootings.which is not true its the blacks. nowt hats obviously a joke based on a stereotype.blacks do not go to school. screw you hector like you've seen the insideof a escuela. well that time you were sweeping it im joking, he doesn't work. come on. vampires do more during the day thana freaking hispanic.

once you go rican, a job you'll be seeking. he's so cute man. i'm glad that your hereman. you're cool. what's your name pedro? oh ha nick? nick the spick i like that. itrhymes, freaking love that man, you're cool i loveguys who can take a joke. my feelings is this is a comedy club. if youcan't take a joke, leave. so how are you two faggots? what's up? oh y god look at how gay they look. inst thatadorable? and see that is what comedy is about. twosecure guys corn holing on stage right. and see how they can take a joke?

an insecure guy can not take a gay joke ami right? please oh my god if i called this guy a fag he be like "screwyou bitch" which secretly means you want his tea bangson your nose. but who doesn't ladies and gentlemen but that's why you're going to get laid youtwo and the rest of these bastards wont when you go home and you are beating yourdick like an iraqi prisoner

no offence any middle eastern here no middle easterner here? i don't smell anything are you here you stinkybastards? they stank! when are those cab drivers going to learn?curry ain't deodorant strong enough for a man made for a hindu princess but you will be getting laid you two becausesome beautiful woman. probably the whores your with will come up to you and they will be like"you know that was sonice"

"when that bitch was calling you gay you didn'tget mad ,. i looove youaaahh" the black guy liked that joke because let'sbe honest. that's why they date us white bitches right shanniqua black bitches will not suck a dick unlessthey hit the lottery am i right? girl? but i don't blame you honey because i datea black guy they don't go down there for shit! i had to grow a chicken wing down there. don't you laugh hector. i dated one of yours.all you do is rummage around looking for spare change. never let a chinese go down on you. they justleave a menu in between your legs.

how they get the bicycle up there i have nofreaking idea. ah oh any chinese here? screw it lets talk about em. i love them people. i like this hole crowd.even the old bastard over here is laughing. isn't isn't he cute? sir, sir are you having a god time? don't lie i'll check you're diper i swearto god. he is a cute older dude.

what's your name my friend? van? he. van? is that your wife next to you? she's a hot piece of of ass seriously this is what's wrong with america this old piece of shit has a hot blonde youngerwife. this is proof that money can buy good lookingass. how dare you sir.

if you were broke you'd be doing me. hey i know my limits. i could never get ahot looking white guy. i could alwasy get a chhubby ungly disgustingwhite bastard. or a hot black guy. i could get ll cool jayor jareds from subway. screw subway. get me on the train to browntown bitch. that's how black guys bang. here son, yeahson. right? right? you know it right whore? you've done it some blacks right? you can tell. please. you kidding me? shemight look inocent. shed suck a dick for a diet coke. look at her.

don;t worry honey i do it just for the teasteof it. but did you ever lady? did you ever bang ablack guy? no? you racist bitch. get out. tyrone gra a white tit for racial unity. holla.holla oh he's going there son. yeah son. yeah sonhe's going gangsta. lady nothing wrong with you white husbands.but bang a black guy just once. do it. it's woprth the screwed up credit. i'm tellingyou do it. oh i may never buy a new car again but everynight i got an svu right in the old whoha ok?

sure it's not registered. are the blcaks laughing? oh cool i see teethand eyes. i think we're ok. he's so cute and i just love your girl righthere, shaqanda, shaneqaw, placenta. propesha, ecanashia, epidural, tylonal. benidril, supena, that's right hector i said supena. run (spanish) see black womans names are cool as hell. ilove em. what's your name honey? sharron?

you white devil bitch get out. sharron if you're fronting i don;t appcirpateit. for you white people. that means pretendingto be something you're not. like stait. now. ah sharron. i remeber sharron. she has a normalwhite name but she spells it wrong. to screw with whity. she's like "my name is sharron. jaysaeiouscrewwhitty.comit'syourbirthdayohwhoo" see i know all them black epesions becausemy boyfriend is black.

and oh my god, you guys you should clap forus because 2 days ago e celebrated our two year aniversarry. right 2 years? isn;t that cool? that is nine and a half years in black right? he's the nicest guy. supportive, makes a littleless money than me so i call him steadman. ah and the thing isd. in this day and age. youbeleve people still stare? i can;t believe it. check this out man. once day we're sitting in the car mindingour own buisness.

when this white devil couple. like you two.comes up to us. said don;t worry honey i'll handle this. i said that;s right bitch. i'm white. he'sblack. what the hell you got to say about it? they were like "why are you jn our car?" i said the spick let us in. he has tools. he's a good man. i really like you. where's your wife tonight man? she's beautiful. is she latino too? oh that;srough.

spick broads are best thought. where are thehispanic woman? come on. come on. get your hand's out of other people's pursesand clap you theifing frenking puntas. see i hope ther're having fun because that;sthe only ehtnic group that scares me is hispanic woman. eniz solidad, what do you call yourself whenyour cleaning the hotel rooms. go ahead. mariah! thank god she's laughing because they don;tneed guns, knives, nothings. they just lift them up and shoot babies at you. graciaus mariah

now is this your hispanic little husband righthere? isn't he cute? are you going out with him? oh you're friends? oh god. you'll fuck him latter right? please he's paying for your drinks. come on.do it. at least a hand job. a little a monyo is youknow what i'm saying. see i know spick right? i'm good right papi? see cause different ethnic groups talk greatin bed.

i freaking love that. hector do you talk spick in bed? you know. "give me your wallet. give me yourwallet" nice. old guy. do you talk old in bed. like "ohmy god i can;t get it up. someone get the pump." "get the clapper flat line ooooo" i banged an arab, they talk arab in bed. they're like" lalalalalalalala"

"ten dollar on pump six. ten dollar on pumpsix" "don't speak without permission bitch" he what about you my jewish friend? do you talk jew in bed. like "i'm sorry it'stwo inches. i got it whole sale" because i'm an older white bitch and i startedbanging black guys late in life so i'll be honest it scared the hell out fo me. it was really gangsta. it was sexy but ohmy god. they way they talk. the gy was like "now that;s what i'm walkingabout"

"now that's what i'm walking about" what's my name bitch? i don;t know you just got parolled yesterday. and then he took it too far. it was horrible baby can i put it in your.. oh my god i know you tweo guys are used tothat, but jeez. can i put it in your.. and i'm like..he..yeah.

hey once you go black. you're gonna use yourcrack. holla you guys are fun. this is agood crowd. i like you two guys man,. thank you for being such good sports. what's you first name man? chad? oh that is the faggest name ever.

and what's your name pal? tod and chad. ok. you know what. i love these two guys. clap it up for them. because to take a gayjoke you're cool as hell man. seriously. and let me tell you something. as a reward. i'm doing you guys a favor. i'm sending you guys on a trip on me ok? no serioulsy you're going to vegas. there's a guy with a tiger that needs a partner.are you in?

oh if you moaned at that get out. admit it that was the funniest thing thathas ever happened when that corn holler got ate by that tiger. oh my god be honest who laughed their assoff. wasn't it so funny? i know i swear to god i laughed my cunt off.it fell on the floor laughed a bunch of times and jumped right back up. i saw it on tv i started screaming at thetelevision. like hey homo, youre supossed to eat the pussynot have the pussy eat you. talk about turning a fruit into a vegtiable.

see this crowd likes that joke. it is funto make fun of everybody. a cripppled joke got applause that;s cool. cause i always make fun of everybody. nobodyis left out. even the retards. cause lets be honest theres no retards in here. and if they are,are they really going to get the joke? but cripple people, that;s a different thing.they are so much fun. can i explain something about copmedy. people who have been through more can laughat more stuff. because crippples always take a joke so good.

be honest who knows someone in a wheelchair.any body? ok cool oh the fag does. that's cool. see because i'll tell. i have a big big fanbase of cripppled people. yes because i had sex with a man in a wheelchiar.yes. i'm equal freaking opurtunity. our favorit position was 69. we called it meals on wheels. look at the old guy's like write that down.they come to the house with three hots a day.

telling strokahontis to write it down. isn'tthat cute? but that;s the thing man. ok this story i'mnot supossed to tell cause i got in trouble last time i was at this club because thisguy ina wheel chair. i left him out fo the show by mistake andhe got all mad and he wheels up to the stage, he smnuck up on me. i didnt even here the freaking wheels. and he goes. you know what. i resent you didntinclude me. we can take a joke too. well he was more. we can take a joke.

now dont get me wrong. it waxs really coolthat luther vandrose came to the show. oh. don't moan. it used to be christopherreeves but he dies. i that my freaing fault? i loose six minutes because that asshole hadto croak. game of charades was fun with him huh? be honest man. if you ask you crippled friendsif they want to be treated ewual the'll say yes which is why i had a troubling incident atkarioki a few weeks ago. oh ching ping karioki. ah good karika sing a singa a good a song

this bitch in a wheelchair was singing. butshe sucked. but to be all politically correct all of thewoman in the audiance was all good for you. that was just terrfic. well mariah. i'ma comic and i was really drunk. so i couldnt help myself. i stood up. heybitch.you stank. the only way i'm clapping for you is if yousing these boots where made for wlaking. she didnt do it, i put the club on the wheell. i pushed herdown the freaking stairs. that's how i roll

i think some of you people really think idpush some crippled cunt down the stairs. i didn't. there was a ramp. it was like aride. it was all like weeeee...there enjoy your last ride you dopey cripple. this si ground breaking. people didn;t evenget mad when i called her a crippled c word because the c word is the best word on theplanet. ladies learn to enjoy the c word. that'sright man. it's hot. i find it sexy like of i go home with a guy. to make me finsih all he has to do is callme a cunt and hit me in the clit with a shovel.

now that is romantic and you know what? you can;t handle it you can get the hell out. that;s what i say man. that's ll baby. mariah you;re having fun. your'e lauging it up like the freaking governmentcheck just came in. youe happy. i like everybody man. cause you know why i include everybody inthe show? cause at heart. be honest, were all alike. even that little chinky bastard just spotted.look at that guy.

oh my god look at them slanty eyes. you'dnever know what there thinking. there shifty arnt they? i don;t wanna piss him off. i need my shirtsdone. lets be real folks how you doing ching ping? you doing alrightthere poekmon? good yeah good time. goody goody goody veryfunnny fucky fucky what's your name there ching poon? micheal? what? micheal the chink. that don;t work for me.

but id bet he has the name micheal right buthe spells them with the little charators. my name's micheal. that''s house, rock, treehouse.yeah i'm keeping it gangsta see i think at heart were all alike on theinside. other than a few serial killers and retards were all a like like watch this. i proove with one questionsthat were all the same. normal white guy. do you pee in the shower? yes you do is that honest or what?

bless you sir because you guys know yous allpee in the freaking shower. yes even if its once to kill the athlete'sfoot you know you do too. black guy if you weren't in danger of stoppingup the drain with you penis would you pee in the shower. come on an you know you got it down there.yeah son. he opens his fly the next noise you hear is ..opens his fly this is the next noise youhear. holler everybody pees in the shower. fag do you peein the shower?

of course! you need the yellow tiles to matchthe drapes. jew if you could find your penis would youpee in the shower? oh look at him. come on this guy. omg thejew. black guy your landlord's here. he followed you. pay your rent there section 8. you toosexy (spanish). everybody pees in the shower, old guy if youweren't peeing into that bag. ah man if you're worried about his feelingsdon't. he can't hear shit. look he's staring at me like tomorrow at thehome we get jello. hey man i pee in the shower all the time idon't care. my ex husband used to get all annoyed. like it was because he was takinga bath at the time.

but don't worry listen guys. this ain't goingto turn into a show where some bitch on stage says men are ass holes because you know what?i'm the female comic who says men are good. ladies clap it up for the guys who broughtyou out tonight. their paying for you except for the blacks. come on man that's reallycool. because men like themselves the way they are.women you should be so hard on yourselves. look how beautiful you are. guys love themselves.they could be 3 feet tall with a hair lip and half a leg. and because they have a penisthey are like i'm the shit son. that's right. like watch this man. do you love your peesir? look he finally woke up. yes i do. look at him. his bologna has a first name.

omg and that's what so cool you guys. nameyour junk. that is awesome. every guy in here knows you have a name for your pee pee. old guy? what do you call yours? out of order? don't worry it doesn't matter what you callit. its not going to cum. everybody names their pee pee. jew what doyou call yours? your imaginary friend? isn't that cute? i'm not even asking the blackguy. you know he got a name, a p.o. box, an address. hector changes his once a month to avoid thechild support people. so ladies learn from the guys man. quick screwingwith your appearance. look around the room

with these ladies guys. they look great. stopwith the tit implants. the botox's and the cologine lips. and the cunt wax. stop withthe cunt wax! just bang a black guy. their happy rummagingaround a jungle. they love that'! you women gotta like yourself this way. quicktrying to change yourself. because did you hear last week? another woman was attackedand raped in central park while jogging. see? exercise is no good. i tell you. you never hear about a fat bitchgetting raped in her house while she's eating doritos and watching one life to live. alight?i'm telling you folks i'm safe. men and women are cool. they all look likethey get along together. like who's going

to have some sex after the show? i sense therewill be some..alright! cool man. hector get a little hot sauce on the chimichanga. jew a little gravy on the matza. and fags a little stool on your tool. becauseyou know? what?! it's funny because it's true. but seriously...ladies we love the men butguys do me a favor. quick doing shit to your bitches in bed. that we don't really understand. let me explain. like who the hell ever thought it was a goodidea to take your pee pee out put it between

our breasts? what the hell am i supposed to get out ofthis? am i right or am i right? i'm sitting there for like 45 freaking minuteslike... whatever! i hope he dies. die! i hope you die. cristlet me see what;s going on. jesus. ah. cough. yeah how you doing. oh hi mom. oh you too? oh my goodness. except my boyfriend is black so it's like...

that was terrible what i said about my mother.omg. she hates that joke that ain't true. i'm just a little mad at my mother. i'll behonest with you. i can tell you guys. she hates my boyfriend. she's racist. i tell heri'm banging this nice black guy. she's like ahhhhhh. does he have a job? i'm like yes. he's black not hispanic. duh she's like what is he a drug dealer? so igot pissed i said. listen bitch! he's a lawyer. now that's a good job. right jew bastard?yeah. well he's not technically a lawyer but he'sgot 3 court cases next week. let me tell you something too. that's whyi don't cheat. you guys understand to get

a nice giy or a nice woman that's a catch.you don't let em go. i'm very excited. i got a 50 year old good looking black with no kids. omg. yeah right. no kids. either he has short term memory lose or he;sshooting blanks. one of the other. but i got him in the old days. like when blackdudes dated bitches that looked like me. dude dated beaches look like me youdon't like me another with the skinny broads and theasian bitches school at black guy stick with yourroots the chubby white bitch remember the old good old days on ablack guy would bang a refrigerator if

it was white the memories you know that's why cheat i'm on the road 50 weeks a yearbut i never cheat ball there was this one time well was in montreal and come on that'sout of the country doesn't really count thank you but also check this out theguy was thinking about bangin looked exactly like my boyfriend now come on if i bang a guy who lookslike might do

that's not cheating bad is a tribute the saying the actually i'm joking i did not bangthe guy but i will tell you one thing who doesn't like to flirt am i rightlane east i happy with keeps you alive coming up butguess who cock blocked me this weekend man the freakin rental car company my plane is late now all i got left awhole lot for me to drive around and flirt with the brothers is of forward f 150 pickup truck

with a gun rack black guys are running away from the carlike i got rope in the trunk the start it sounded all racist i putthe key in its like make big big big big spec make make make make spec change changing chain the fag queer asspirate what the that are funny words are you gottaadmit fag larger the funniest word ever fag queer ass pirate hersheyhighway patrolman rectal ranger turd burglar dick smokerlog jammer pull push your pillow biter

poultry sir call aaa can bet a good one there i am i right play is the biggestfag on the planet call a ache in the only thing that's a can is clay's ass the i think he's trying to bangruben studdard that's alright thanks who is a cute little bastard he lookslike the chef from south park you guys gotta do me a favor you got itclap it up for the people up front so far who took a good job man the show the people you

gets me mad i'm gonna just vent for aminute we were a very popular radio stationthis week some of you may have heard us thank you the aura the best and everybody was laughing got a millioncallers so cool so nice and then we get low white bitch email the from little miss up buddy who forgets to stick up forevery day she writes and she's like you now i your iphone app but stop with the blackwhite chucks

nobody loves black people more then lisalampanelli the high-end family so lampen the i the on supervised the with all ikea furniture my costume jewelry well i can't leave the real stuff to momand phen iraq this big since he was

smokin it the it those people come up to me after theshow one in salt may and say do you really have a blackboyfriend yes i'd del he just couldn't make ittonight cuz it across state lines and his anklebrace a weight off okay other stuff along with dating someonewho is in the joint right actor's wife not the wrong with that man the prisonis a good a sprint in a prison fag %ah if a gayguy goes to jail

is that like disneyland the you must bethis tall to ride he is saying he spent thank you for being good chad i love chad man you guys are fun hey if you like my show make sure youbring the kids next time the kids freakin love me manse pick up somethingat housing police cop lianos kim nees satellite bill for all your forty seven kids out the elcamino i come over there the see you guys left my children love lol man theydo freakin love me all the littlespeculates

the chain clits but you let's of course the nagel it'sreal the of lisa lampanelli big lake is thefunniest or planet the fag let's let me check are i've gone too far people broken mycomedy relation not joke about adoption because you know what me my guy are a little too old to havekids alarm we're thinking about adopting alittle special needs child thank you thank you seriously

thank you retards need love too peopleand besides take out one in them and you don't haveto save for college tuition sa the hallways there police are mother f'nand file more the guys are great i hope we do it docked this my mother ofthat'll be fine get how races while others you gonnaforget love this my mother tried to get me to go on the patch just update black ice patch i'm telling you right now that maycorrect does not work

the she even tried making me tonicorette gum i just enjoy putting it in my mouth theokay man this is i know i'm gonna get in trouble fordoing this show but listen to me i'll say it soft so themanager on hand okay about the oral sex when i use t the white ninth no offense but i never reallyliked to keep the oral sex custom always look kinda a knee ..and grisly. sort a like a big bratwurstwith a mushroom on the end. it's not nice.

not so good. but with the black guys i think i dilutedmyself into thinking it would taste like a big chocolate ã©clair. it doesn't it's the same stuff right chad?i'm telling you same. it's no good. well listen man. you can obviously tell llworks on herself. i go to shrink. i do all that. so this mademe think am i racist against white people? so i found out trough dr. phill. it might get a little emotional. i suckeda black dick because it's my little way of saying i'm sorry. i'm sorry for slavery tyrone.

i am your 40 acres and a mule. but the problem is it takes black guys solong to finish. i'm down there and hour going. ahhhhgagahhagaa. even abe lincoln's lookingdown going come on slavery wasn't that bad. now don't get me wrong people. listen to mywords. slavery is nothing to joke about. except tonight. and slavery was the worst thing to ever happento this country but i will tell you this. if i was a victim of my times. and i was bornback then. and i was all alone. in that big house.and i said ol masta to the store inhis little wagon. don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out. and he went offto buy all the little rations and fixings.

and i had that field full of chocolate. pheweveryday would have been my martin luther king day. oh that's right ladies. i have a dream. adream to have black d in me than a urinal at the apollo. to bang so many black guys that my neighboursthink it's a stop on the underground rail road. to call this cunta kinte. i can't believe i made the black guy turnred and that's hard cause he's black. see i always know that black people are goingto get the jokes cuz my boyfriend always says

to me you know what? black people can tellreal racism from fucking people telling jokes. and you know what the thing is? i can tellit too. so when people get drunk and they yell what they really think. i'm gonna tell you a story. i don't even knowif it's even funny but it's freaking true. i was in dayton, ohio. not a very raciallymixed town. and there was this nice table full of black people and this a hole whitetrash trailer park piece of shit. and get this my brother he yelled out the n word alight.so i'm like get out! and then he gave me what white people say these days, real racist whitepeople, screw you bitch! i can say that word cuz them people say itthemselves.

and i'm like look earnest goes to camp. blackpeople say the n word a little different than the white people. black people are like nigga please. white people are like nigger, please! pleasedon't date my daughter. please!. and i was like you know what dad get out!you're embarrassing me! how dare he? how dare he? i like to dedicate a couple of jokes to peoplewho have been great sports. you know i love that. shanniqua..what was it again. sharon. what i wanna know from sharon do you havekids yet sharon. you're a beautiful lady what

a you got. 2 and 2. do they have normal namesr black names? normals. ok cuz bear with me sharon. does it make you laugh when blackpeople name there kids after stuff they can't afford? isn't hilarious? like this is my daughtertiffany. my baby diamond. my son car insurance. that'sright son. lexus is a very popular black name. that'sthe only time you'll see a lexus driving an escort. with 24 inch rims too i might add. so sharon may i dedicate a joke to you youbeautiful lady. do you want a clean joke or a dirty joke? whatever i want? thank you.

ah everyone is yelling dirty. i gotta do oneclean one. listen i'll do a dirty but i gotta do one clean cuz i gotta have practice cuzi got the big show for the kids at the orphanage tomorrow. ah screw it their parents are dead who theygonna tell? my little nephew told me this. 3 years oldvery cute. clean joke number 1. guy gets onto a elevator with a woman. hesays excuse me can i smell you feet? she goes no! he goes. phew must be your pussy. that kid..he's a chip off the old cunt. you guys are funny. i'm sensing your havingfun but you ain't sitting where i'm sitting.

there's one guy in here who has not crackeda smile once. i'm so insecure cuz i want everyone in the room to have fun and i swear to godthis guy in the retarded italian gunny shirt. look at this thing. that shirt is so gay lookslike the fairy god father. but before that he didn't even laugh oncei swear to god. at this point i rather go christmas fishing with scott patterson thantalk to this freaking guy. you know i'm not gonna joke about that exceptto say one thing. sometimes pregnant bitches can be annoying. that's all i'm going to say. oh shut up come on. ah i'm hormonal. ah getme ice cream. shut up and get in... ...the boat bitch.

freaking love that joke. isn't that fuckingfunny? but be honest with me. who's happy he's guilty?am i right? come on man that's awesome. you kill a pregnant bitch you go to jail rememberthat tyrone. that's some stuff man. well let me tell you and feel free to boome. go ahead bring it on. if you disagree screw you. you know who never guilty? misterfreaking kobe bryant. that pissed me off man. cuz who's with me that girl was a gold diggingwhore? that's right yeah. that's right man. they should have dismissed that case fromday one. cuz if you girls gotten a look at kobe bryant? that's one hot good looking brother. witha good job. if he raped me that would be an

upgrade. no it's not like al sharpton snuck up behindher. yeah son. yeah son. with the wig hanging off to the side. and the cross hitting herin the ass. that's a rape. now rape is nothing to joke about. excepttonight. but girls you bitches gotta learn it ain'ta rape if the guy's good looking. come on man. you think if two hot black guys jumpme in the ally way i'm calling the cops? hell no! that's not a felony. that's a party! i would take em both and make an oreo cookieout of those guys man.

that was too horny right? i'm sorry. it'sjust cuz i'm on the road all the time and never get laid. but oh omg you know what idiscovered? porns. it's porn fun? there's some real good black porns out there.get em ladies. write it down. coo coo for coco cocks. that's awesome. interracial facial. hard ons in the hood. very nice. and in and out of africa that's the classyone. but listen to this. i'm on the road 50 weeksa year so you know porn gets really expensive. you what? i found a cost cutting technique.b.e.t.

that's right man i spank it out to ol ludacris. but get this man i got a problem this weekend.my hotel is racist. they don't got no b.e.t. they just got mtv. so there i am scratchingthe old record player to fiddy. and all of a sudden it ends and some white guy john mahercomes on. i loose my wide on what am i supposed to do? turn to the other black channel. court tv.ah. very intelligent. i'm about education people.that's education senior. hector has been one the best sports. hector.and you know what? that's wrong that they say hispanics don't work. i joke about itthe sterotpye but watch i bet you have a great

job. what do you do sir? security? a freaking spick is a security guard. that'sa little ironic. that's like dangerous. that's like giving the black guy keys to popeye'schicken. either way somebodies going to be missinga wing. that is hilarious but good for you working security stealing from whitey. that'scool man. another horrible stereotype. how dare i saythat. because hector i'm going to be honest with you man. hispanics are my second favouritepeople. na really black men there first. come on bitchesi gotta get some dick. no but hispanics are always the best senseof humour and there great people so if i ever

have a tv show papi it'll be one that showsyou hispanics to be the fine hard working people that you are. it'll be called fantasy island. and ching ping tang dow cah. where is theasian sitcom huh? where is everybody loves duck sauce? where? ok sweating like k. d. lang at a christian singlesdance. i just noticed there's a chink photographerover there. over there. isn't that funny too? you order a photographer and a chink showsup. isn't that excellent? that's like hiring

a bank robber and black guy shows up. that'sgood. it's perfect. he's so cute. i know his sister. sum dum hoshe's very nice. i don't wanna make you blush. you'll turnorange. listen folks. you had a good time so far or not? thank you bald guy did you have fun bald guy? cool man you're alight. cool cuz i'd like to share a little about myself.you can obviously tell by my act i'm not just

a comic. i'm also a motivational speaker. it's true man. every weekend. please attendmy racial awareness seminar. and also buy one of my many self help books. i wrote thefamous child psychology books. it's called i'll give you something to cry about. alsowrote i'm ok you're ok for a black guy. and men are from mars fags are from uranus. i gotta tell you the truth. 10% goes to charity.oprah says give back that's what this white bitch does. am i right girl? give back tocharity. so you know what? the way i feel every cent you spend on me man a little bitof that money goes to my own special charity. the lisa lampanelli united negro cocksuckerfund.

because 12 inches is a terrible thing to waste. lets see. i like to explain myself real quickly.why i do this kinda act cuz i feel like in this politically correct tight ass societywe got... ...every race, creed, gender into one roomlight it up and laugh at ourselves. good the black people bought it. and i say them crazy racist things all thetime. spick, chink, all that shit. but i will never say the n word with the r on the end.it's terrible. old guy i heard you saying it quite a bit. i was distraught. memorize his face shanniqua. this guy saidn word with the r on the end 18 times. sir

there's nothing worse than calling a blackman neighbour. obviously it's the other word that makes meangry in my heart cuz my black friends are fine people who were taking here against theirwill by white a hole like you. but you spicks came voluntarily. hehe. we even tried beating you back at the borderbut you kept coming. do you believe that some a hole tried pullingthe a word on lisa lampanelli? in the sack. it was disgusting! he's like who's ya nigga. who's yo nigga?which would have been ok but he was korean. so what that said i would like you all togo out into the world and be able to laugh

at yourself but don't try this at home. whati've done. i'm a professional people. don't go up to him and be like, hey spickhow ya doing? don't do that. hey jew bastard how you doing? don't say hey fag..well youcan do it to him because what's he really gonna do? your toenails? but seriously i always clap for the peoplewho took a good joke. this is not an apologies it's just a way of saying thank you for lettingus have this show. so first i'd like to clap for my black friends cuz by this point they'remost likely to be armed and dangerous. clap for the blacks. thank you black people. holla.

why do black people say holla i wonder. ohthey have no phones they have to yell to each others houses. screw you hector like you have cable. oh i mean legal cable. hector was also terrific. clap it up for hector.he smuggles drugs in his ass. don't fart the homos will probably od but get turned on.they love the ass. who else was nice. jew! we love you. clapfor the jew bastard. come on he'll sue everybody in here and the company we work for you litigiouslittle bastard. oh clap for the old guy it might be your lastchance. he's old, decrepit, could die at any

time. who else was nice. well i think the best sportsin the room were these two guys chad man seriously i've seen you before you a great man. todd..greatnow i have the aids too. shit. that's not true man i already had it. oh shutup. let me tell you you don't loose as much weight as you think. oh don't you bitches start. you know if tiwas curable and you could get it for a month youd all get it to loose a quick 80. so you guys are the nest and i'll tell youthe truth i didn't say you guys are gay because you look gay it's much much more than justthat. you're up front, your good people and

you're dressed better than all these straitguys. and you know the old saying. once you go fagyour shoes match your bag. thank you you guys. i'm lisa lampanelli. godbless you all. ah thank you man. thanks a lot guys take care good night.